Friday, May 30, 2008 | Posted by xBilboBagginsx at 7:26 AM 0 comments
How To: Identify an Arch-Nemesis [special "Queen Laqueesha" edition]
Three reasons why I hate [name removed]- MY ARCH NEMESIS [name removed not for her protection but for the protection of my identity]:
1. Every time she speaks her voice and her words make me want to tear my own eyeballs from their sockets, ingest buckets of rusty nails in a bid to tear up my throat, and then to throw up a cocktail of nails, stomach acid, and oesophagusblood on her, all while burning her flesh with fire.
2. There is a little-known secret that I am, in fact, allergic to her. But she insists on raping my body with hers until I swell and die and explode in a shower of gore, bleeding and crying and lamenting, "what did I do to deserve this?" - at least until my tongue swells so far that it blocks my airway and I can no longer wail aloud, and I cannot object as she molesters me, and sometimes as I suffocate to death, painfully, excruciatingly, as she lingers deliberately, prolonging my suffering, I wonder if maybe death would be sweet relief from this torture, and I begin to pray for my release, but she will not allow me to go.
3. She has a stupid face.
My Anus is on Fire Like a Jew-Bomb
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